Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. ~Swedish Proverb
At the core of every date that you get, there lies a crisis- “Who should pay?”.Gone are the times when it used to be so ‘obvious’ as most people with a conventional inclination would find it. The rules of the game (Neil Strauss anyone? ten points if you got it), for better or worse, seem to have changed. While there are more important things to consider when going on a date, this one is the finisher and as such has to be taken seriously. Here are five ways to get you around the big question, especially on the first date where the rules to the game are actually set in-
#1- Proposes to disposes-
If you are the one to actually ask for the date then ideally, you should be the one to pay. It’s as simple as that. This has to do with a number of things. At the end of date, if you really see future dates with him/her, then by doing so you get to have a say in future decisions as well. If you don’t find the girl/guy as pleased as you would like, it’s almost like ‘making up for lost cause’. Also, if the girl is the one who has asked for the date and does not pay, it creates an ‘accepting favours’ sort of situation, bordering on traditional dating, which is undesirable from an egalitarian point of view.
#2- Play the trick.
When the check comes in, and you are not entirely sure about your stand on it, play the trick. For boys out there, reach for your wallet quickly but smoothly. Now if she is someone who prouds her independence so much so as to stop you in the middle, take a cool stance telling her “You can pay the next time”. This way, if you really are into her, there would at least be a next time. Same works for girls too but then he has a reason to bother you for another date even if you wouldn’t want to.
#3- Split if the date is bad-
If things haven’t turned out right due to certain things said by both the sides, you would know it. In such a case, it is best to share the blame. Making the other person pay by not moving when the check comes is making it ‘the worst date ever’ in your mind. At least, you should end on a good note.
Things may also depend on what sort of a role you want to play in the relationship. If you are OK with accepting gifts without reciprocating, and not paying checks, it comes at the price of taking a passive, less aggressive role. And it’s absolutely fine as long as you are fine with it. While this does not mean that you let the other person get an upper hand in the relationship, every time you let him pay, it sets a precedence for things to come. As such, the rules must be set accordingly, where point #2 saves the day.
#5- Making a statement
At the end of the day, dating is not about acting all too good or showing oneself worthy of the other person. It’s about wanting to know the real person on the other chair. As such, by the time you get to the check, you would know if the girl in front of you has that independent, modern feminist view of things. In agreement to this, you could politely ask if she wants to go Dutch. Chivalry wouldn’t die a sudden death if you do so. It’s one thing to pull the seat for her and another to pay for her meals. If you do it right, you have made a statement and she would like it.